Sunday, August 20, 2017


Restless......death of a friends parent...revisited helplessness...the hug that never reaches that is not of the same blood...the unfulfilled need to return in kind the love that was given freely....restless minds...oh death..why are you never kind..or are you hurting pitiful deeply miserable would you be? impending war..the loss of lives..the rise of darkness...the bloody clash of honour against honour...Restless... Night, slow in dying...Life, barely living...Joy, slow in coming...Death, swift and stealthy....Restless...waiting...waiting...waiting

Tuesday, August 1, 2017

Like a Funeral

I am often lost among the living 
And death is all I seek
But Love is no servile slave
Nor is Life
One burns stronger with death
Another never loses a fight

Sunday, May 21, 2017

Death's Bitter Sweet Whisper

I heard her from afar,
Death's bitter sweet whisper!
So Close, yet So Far.
It's all I need to cross over.
But she waits, cruel trickster!
For I have lives to look over,
To treasure and nurture,
Till then, my forever,
Like a disheartened tale
Seeking its ever after,
Shall I be.
Like the lost pages
Of the last chapter,
Shall you be.

Not yet Death.
For I must breathe
For lives left behind.
Not Yet!
Not Yet!
Not Yet!

Every whisper, brings me nearer
To the unkind armour
Shrouding Death's bosom.
I grow a little colder.
Impervious to the living.
Thrashing with glee and fervour
Against life's boundary,unyielding.
For how I abhor
This loveless purgatory.
Yet I dare not break free
For this tale of ours,
This waiting yarn,
Will find its closure
On Death's joyful shore.

But, not yet Death.
For I must breathe
For lives left behind.
Not Yet!
Not Yet!
Not Yet!

Wednesday, May 17, 2017

Never will be... Another like him...

Have you known him?
There has never been a truer soul.
Have you seen him smile?
He could vanquish a thousand foul hearts with his.
Have you seen him cry?
He has shed tears that melted him into a worthier human. 
Have you felt his hug?
It could erase all my fears and drown me in warmth. 
Have you seen his fury?
it could set my heart on fire and yet I miss it.
Have you seen his guilt?
He would stop at nothing to make amends.
Have you seen his arrogance?
It ruffled my feathers and yet swept me off my feet.
Have you seen him determined?
I loved how nothing could hold him back.
Have you leaned on him?
He held you up and pushed you on
Have you let him wipe your tears?
He would wipe it away with his love and kisses
Have you felt his love?
I have felt nothing more pure and honest.
Have you seen his eyes, brimming with emotions?
There is not a fairer sight and never will be...

Never will be...
Another like him...

Sunday, May 14, 2017

Truly are we lost..

There are so many moments that I muse over what could have been. Often I see a happy couple lost in each others love and I think , "that should have been me, it should have been us". We were willing to brave all odds, to fight all the fights and scale all the walls to be together, but we didn't know that we would be struck apart by the most unexpected nemesis of love...death..

Memories like fading mist , and grief like heavy fog
Set on my disowned soul, slowly and decisively.
Yet I refuse, to rest my thoughts on your face.
As the mere glimpse of those familiar contours,
Lead to,

Muffled Wails,
A Yearning Heart
And Unshed Tears;

Tears that I hide to protect our child.
Tears that refuse to fall, hindered by inexplicable pride.
Or an unspoken fear of the unknown, I know not,
Tears that are prisoners to my cold and dark heart,
That drench my joy and reduce it to fake smiles.
That mask a face that is no longer mine.
If you come back and no longer see me,
If I go to you and you can no longer see me,
Blame the,

Silent Wails,
A Cold heart,
And Frigid Tears.

As they have redrawn me into who I am,
Who I know not and nor do you.
Forgive me love, for without  you
I seem to have lost all that I was.
And now, truly are we lost
To each other, forever.
Erased by,

Unheard Wails,
A Strange heart,
And Lost Tears.

Yours is the world

I have been walking alone
Down a road, ravaged and obscure
With Faith, worn out and run down
Rushing into a world, hidden..unknown
On the other side of the eclipse
Where leaves don't dry
And blooms don't fall
Where the young dew of life
Doesn't disappear into the morning;
Evasive diamonds resting on verdant hues.
Where heavy fogs don't blur
The naive dreams of young love
On this road I often yearn
For the warm callused hands
That slipped into mine with ease
Every morn and night..
On this journey to a world of refuge
To appease my sorrow unbounded
Yet, its late and the world is here
But its not mine
Nor are your warm hands
You are the unperishable spirit
That the world lives off
Within and without me
You, my, love
Yours is the dew, the rays of light
And the bloom.
Yours is the dream, the heavy fogs
And the path .
Yours is the love that builds them all,
And strives to mend the broken soul,
That yearns for your hands
And yet,,,I have reached nowhere...

Thursday, January 26, 2017

Death, my dear friend.

Karma in Hindu mythology can be defined as an action or deed or the cause and effect relationship of the summation of all your actions in your life. It is a word that is used often in daily middle-class Indian diatribes against those who one feels deserves whatever dark fate they received; referrred to as "Karma bhalam" (the result of ones actions). I was once told, to my chagrin, it must be the good karma in some previous life of mine that blessed me with a marriage to a Brahmin. It took my husband, a hand at my back and the silent pleading in his eyes to stop me from blurting out a caustic retort. Though we laughed about it later, I still remember thinking, if there is Karma, there must have been something I did right to deserve him by my side. 

It is intriguing how death brings you perilously close to darkness. A vigorous, contagious darkness that draws out the worst from your veins of existence and gives way for thoughts that you wish were never born. It starts meandering through your psyche, assaulting every nook and cranny, foraging for an ever-evasive, nameless entity. It runs and runs through every cell of your being and in the process exhausts you, depletes the little life left in you and renders you desolate and thoroughly destroyed. It is at this unexpected juncture that we find light, we find hope and strength, wisdom and faith, and the need to fight, to survive. And this, this is the true karma of darkness; to find light where there is none. Darkness once born has only one karma and that is to find the light,  Death to find Life, and Sorrow to find Joy. There is a pattern to life and all its dynamic elements. Does not that make absolute sense? It is time and the uninvited affability of death that brought along this realisation. Death that unveils the helpless nature of life, the insignificance of ones resolves and the meaninglessness of promises, is in fact the true protagonist. We  often portray darkness as something that has to be vanquished by light, but what if, in fact, darkness was here to find lost light. What if light doesn't dispel darkness, but darkness discovers light. Then, death lives to reveal the value of life and not to rob it. It can seem to be the stereotypical case of the villain being the reason for the existence of a superhero, but then again, here we are looking at a villain who is in pursuit of the hero in order to bring back some meaning into the plot, to keep the story line moving. When we look at it this way, isn't darkness the one who is doing all the work. Isn't it death that is keeping us alive?

Om Asato Maa Sad-Gamaya |
Tamaso Maa Jyotir-Gamaya |
Mrtyor-Maa Amrtam Gamaya |
Om Shaantih Shaantih Shaantih ||

O Lord Keep me not in the Unreality (of the bondage of the Phenomenal World), but lead me towards the Reality (of the Eternal Self),
O Lord Keep me not in the Darkness (of Ignorance), but lead me towards the Light (of Spiritual Knowledge)
(O Lord) Keep me not in the (Fear of) Death (due to the bondage of the Mortal World), but lead me towards the Immortality (gained by the Knowledge of the Immortal Self beyond Death),
May there be Peace, Peace, Peace 


Restless......death of a friends parent...revisited helplessness...the hug that never reaches that is not of the same blood......