Let Me Be

THE PAIN ...its real..no matter how much I stall it and avoid thinking about it..the pain is far too real..it actually hurts..you suffocate with emotions and your mind chokes with memories that can never be relived..no one and nothing can help and often you don't want to seek for help..you prefer to savour your sorrow cos at least for those moments of anguish you are absorbed by the essence of loss..and in that moment you are with him.Not a friend or brother or father or mother or another widow can understand what you are going through, how it feels like your heart is being spliced into tiny morsels and being fed to the hungry black fire of death. How can I describe it to you..do you want to hear it..do you want to know..can you stand it? I have been betrayed by my emotions, my strength ran out a long time ago. I try, but it is far too difficult. Why are you here, why are you reading this forlorn chanting of grief pouting from the mouth of a lost mind? Why torture yourself? You are helpless, as am I...none can reach me..none ever will..

There are those who wish for my joy, the return of love in my life, those who wish for my return to normalcy, those who wish for a spiritual epiphany, those who wont even wander into my world but will stay outside and assume that they are not required, there are those who want a new life for me, many are busy worrying about my future...all out of love, a sense of duty and a need to be there for me...but could you please stop...please....I am no longer the voice of maturity, or calm strength..I no longer talk with hope..I live today..somehow..I live through each day..in pain and joy...in light and darkness..in hope and despair...I drag myself through each day...finishing the final lap today is all I think about..and sometimes I let even that be...it is a mammoth task and you wouldn't understand...I don't mean to hurt you but I wish you wouldn't hope for me, live for me, draw my future for me, lie for me, hide for me, smile for me, I wish you wouldnt do all this for me or do it for your peace of mind....let me be..let me live today..finish it and then start on another..and then..as each today comes..I will live..somehow..all I ask of you is...Let Me Be...