Silent Hopeless Secrets

Some days are dark and forbidding. The heavy morning mist and the unlit corners of dawn yawn out a depressing warning of a day that will bring me down no matter how hard I try. Like today...The very cells in my being know this, recognizes this and adopts the dreariness of the day, as if it is a long lost child, come back to its bosom of comfort. Self made, forced joy having ostracized it for so long. 

It is on days like this that I realize that, though I have lost my knight in shining armor and I have no hope for, nor need a new one, it is easier to wait for the non-existant and the unwanted than to push oneself to don the mantle of the self-rescuing knight. Even when I hope against practical counsel and dream along the lines of irrationality, I know that no knight will be the same, no knight will be enough and thus darkness wins again. The day becomes me and I become the day..breathing in and breathing out silent hopeless secrets that change their tales every day...while guilt and unaltered grief paints the day in shades of darkness and slowly converts me to something darker than my fate.