Struggle

Every little thing is a struggle ... waking up ... cleaning up...cooking .. reading novels or watching movies .. eating out .. a walk with zorro .. dressing up .. a good looking man .. a loving couple .. a waft of cologne..a brand of clothing..a stark white shirt..a familiar tie...a man in uniform .. sleeping .. pictures ,, praises ... accolades .. days .. especially special ones .. music .. breathing .. living .. everything is so difficult .. everything a struggle ,,

Every day a struggle.. every minute..every second..Purposeless like waves hitting against a stone wall.,,Uncontrolled like water spilt from a shattered bottle..Battling against grief, my wild and ceaseless strife...I am tired and yet I cant stop nor can I give up...I want to let go  but I know I never should;;;So each day i keep fighting this dark side of me..Most days I lose..and some days I win ...Both ends leave me bereft of any joy..