Nothing....
"They say that the nightingale pierces his bosom with a thorn when he sings his love song. So do we all. How else should we sing?"
A quote by Kahlil Gibran that I often think about...
How true his words are...how true..For the past ten years..since the moment I met him and fell in love with him..my life and priorities revolved around him..I no longer know how to live otherwise. This is why this phase is too difficult. To unlearn thinking everything in terms of "us" is painful and to be honest, its a habit that kills me everyday...But if you ask me today..If I can, would I change any thing about us or wish we had never met..my answer will be vehment, loud and true..."NO"...
Nothing, not the day I met him
Not the innocent infatuation
Not the shy acceptance of the situation..
Not the first glance and the first words of love..
Not the joy and despair one feels when one looses oneself complete to another...
Not the trials and tribulations..or the long struggle..
Not the few minutes together in the academy waiting rooms..
Not the quarrels and and failing hope
Not the resolve to be together for ever...
Not the relief of finally belonging to each other on paper and the strong sense of possessiveness...
Not the first moments of intimacy and the awkwardness and laughter behind it...
Not the acceptance of unconditional love...
Not the short period of time that was spend as husband and wife..
Not the building of a new set of roles and relationship dynamics...
Not the dilemmas and of course, again, the quarrels..
Not the stubborn flaring tempers, the unreasonable stoic stances, the childish stalemates and the exuberant reunions..
Not the anguish of being misunderstood or not understood at all..
Not the despondency that marriage and the absolute dependency on one person for ones happiness can often hurl at you...
Not the anguish of separation and the long hours spend waiting for a call just to hear his voice for barely 60 seconds...
Not the desperation felt when a call is missed and you are aware that you cant return the call but have to wait faithfully for the next one....
Not the terror that the heart experiences every time you read detrimental news about terror attacks or such...
Not the peaceful, happy or sad times....
Not the times I let him down or him, me...
Not the times we explored life together...
Nothing....
Except the day the door bell rang and I heard my world shattering around me...
Not the innocent infatuation
Not the shy acceptance of the situation..
Not the first glance and the first words of love..
Not the joy and despair one feels when one looses oneself complete to another...
Not the trials and tribulations..or the long struggle..
Not the few minutes together in the academy waiting rooms..
Not the quarrels and and failing hope
Not the resolve to be together for ever...
Not the relief of finally belonging to each other on paper and the strong sense of possessiveness...
Not the first moments of intimacy and the awkwardness and laughter behind it...
Not the acceptance of unconditional love...
Not the short period of time that was spend as husband and wife..
Not the building of a new set of roles and relationship dynamics...
Not the dilemmas and of course, again, the quarrels..
Not the stubborn flaring tempers, the unreasonable stoic stances, the childish stalemates and the exuberant reunions..
Not the anguish of being misunderstood or not understood at all..
Not the despondency that marriage and the absolute dependency on one person for ones happiness can often hurl at you...
Not the anguish of separation and the long hours spend waiting for a call just to hear his voice for barely 60 seconds...
Not the desperation felt when a call is missed and you are aware that you cant return the call but have to wait faithfully for the next one....
Not the terror that the heart experiences every time you read detrimental news about terror attacks or such...
Not the peaceful, happy or sad times....
Not the times I let him down or him, me...
Not the times we explored life together...
Nothing....
Except the day the door bell rang and I heard my world shattering around me...
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