Feeling Beautiful...

To look good...to get a little attention and catch a few looks of appreciation..those silent compliments from strangers and especially from those he knew..he loved'em..he used to continually dig it out of me. It was fuel for him, these compliments he used to get for his looks. Yes, we were both in fact pretty obsessed with his looks.I think I fed it quiet a bit too...lol. But the thing is I loved the feeling I got when I made him happy and truly, he was a good looking bloke, esply when we first met. Over all that, it was endearing the way he jumped to the qn "wat did they say about me?" whenever we met my friends. This doesn't mean we were purely vain...of course we liked beauty..we liked each other to look good and we often were obsessed with pretty things and people..and lets not blame him alone. Secretly I liked it too..dressing up, looking pretty, getting a  few compliments and a couple of well meaning stares(gee..if there can be something like that) . But when Mukund was around..I didnt need it too much..because for him I was always beautiful...even when pregnancy, being a mother and other stuff eroded my youthful looks and chipped it off here and there(lets not go into details..alright!)..he never minded...for all the vanity we harboured, we still knew the true value of each others beauty and we knew that it is our love that fed it.

Its really not that I have any doubts about my appeal..we all have our own unique attractiveness..everyone is pretty in one way or other..God is an amazing craftsman. But what I learned is that more than the clothes, the colors, the modern day medical interventions and the clichéd "your hearts is what makes you beautiful" monologue we feed ourselves ..it is always the people around you that makes you feel beautiful.

For me it was a wonderful feeling, one that Mukund kindled every time he looked at me with l, even when I was as fat as a cow in torn, shapeless pyjamas and looked dead after being awake the whole night with a sleepless one month old.
For me, it was the way he held me close to him in public with pride and intense protectiveness when he felt that I was looking too pretty.
For me, it is the ample number of times he told me that he had always prayed for a beautiful Malayali girl but forgot to specify the religion!:-)..
For me, these made me beautiful. ..such a splendid feeling. I hope I gave my husband that too cos even when he worried that he had put on weight or was troubled with his receding hairline, I found him nothing but handsome...he was mine and I was his..for all our vanity, we loved the way we looked 'in spite of reality' :-)..we were beautiful.

It is a miracle and blessing to be a part of that beauty..a beauty that is born with love and grows with it..I was lucky. I am sure all of you out there with your spouses feel the same..value it, love it, nurture it..cos for me ..even when I am thinking about dressing up and going out ..I only feel beautiful in a very superficial manner....but the real realisation of how beautiful I really am only comes to me when I am behind closed doors and I am reliving the memories of my husband...I am now only gonna be able to feel that beauty in my thoughts and dreams..for you....it is still a reality..so hold on to it..feel beautiful with your better half..there is no better feeling...no better evidence of the love you share