PRIDE and PAIN

There were times when I grew up that I felt a childish, innocent and zealous spirit of pride in my country. A scene from the movie Roja..an instrumental rendering of our anthem..a documentary on the struggle for our independence,a picture of the national flag...PM Nehru's speech marking the dawn of independence et.....from silly Bollywood movies that glorify the country through actors playing patriotic army officers or ordinary heroes to the more serious media recorded efforts of present day Samaritans and idealistic youngsters...nothing failed to induce that inherent pride.

I never failed patriotism and patriotism never failed me. 

But this year things are a little different. This year for me,pain walks with pride. This year an elderly loving couple lost their beloved son...loving sisters lost their only brother....an innocent daughter lost her chance to know a loving father and me....I lost my love, my friend, my companion, my joy, my soul, my life as I know it...I lost my husband. All for this country..for my country...a country that I love for who she is, with her flaws. As we close in on our 68th independence day, I have realised everything means more to me..the national anthem I hear every morning means more, the corruption and disinterested attitude of a few pains more, the words that make promises that are never kept hurts more...life means more....death means more..more than it ever could. Because in all this lies the voice, the presence, the blood of my husband..who by gods design has been painted a martyr. I feel ashamed for not having felt this before..for not having actually felt the sorrow of those who gave in more than what was feasible to make this nation free and I hope that all those around me feels it too...we made and still make unreasonable demands of those who protects us on our borders....and they deliver every day, every night without hesitating. Of course there will be breaks in the idealism, faults here and there..but nothing is perfect. But even for the single soul in a hundred that sincerely guards his nation..we owe our happiness.

I love my husband..I love my country too..I wish I could have them both..but my only choice is to do what I do everyday I hear the national anthem sung by students at school..to stand tall and proud but to feel the pain that only I am privy too...To my nation...Happy Independence Day