Somewhere Far ...Because I Love You...

A few more days and it will be six months since you have left us chakudu...
I dont know where you are
I dont know if you are somewhere beyond the impalpable walls of oblivion,
Breathing in an existence that may be far too spiritual to comprehend or simply unknown to us.
I don't know if you are on this side of tragedy, standing by me in my weakest moments,
Trying hard to reach out yet never crossing over and watching..just watching
A part of me wishes you were chakudu; A part of me visualises you around me wherever I go.
But there is another part that loves you and knows how forlorn you will be...how desparate and tortured...
Seeing the tears that you once kissed away spill down my cheeks and yet, not being able to comfort me.
Hearing the innocent queries of your child who cant understand why we can't travel to God to meet you and yet not being able to scoop her up and kiss her.
Watching the expression of desolation contorting the once-serene face of your parents and yet not being able to appear before them or lend them support.
Witnessing the emptiness that your sisters feel because they have lost their brother and yet not being able to tell them that you are around.
I know how  helpless you will feel chakudu..I know cos I love you..
And cos I love you..I wish you were somewhere far away from all of us
Somewhere so far away, that neither memories nor prayers can bring you back
Somewhere far far away, where you have already forgotten us....
Because I love you...I hope you have been gifted with a blank sheet for your memories...
I hope you have forgotten me..and all of us living each day in misery..
I will do all the remembering chakudu...I will hold on to our memories
And I will sing them to you if and when I meet you ...Cause after all you are my heaven...
Forget chakudu.....Because I Love You......